Giving that Transforms

Posted on December 22, 2011 by Giving Speaks

It is better to give than to receive.

This is a familiar maxim that is generally accepted and experienced as such. More and more research findings confirm the health and psychological benefits of giving and helping behavior. In a recent article about the practice of tithing on USAToday.com (http://usat.ly/rS7cxG), Laura Vanderkam writes, New insights from happiness research suggest that tithing could benefit the giver too, even if you don’t believe it’s a religious obligation. Indeed, given how much money people spend pursuing happiness, tithing might be a relative bargain.

When we reflect upon the memory of a time when we gave a gift that made a difference in another’s life, positive feelings wash over us. True generosity has the power to transform the lives of the receiver and the giver.

At a recent gathering of congregation leaders, a question was posed to the group for personal reflection sharing. The entire mood of the room lifted and deepened with heart-warming emotion as each shared his or her story.

Have you ever given a gift that changed you?

Immediately my thoughts go to when I was about six years old. Our family planned to bring some gifts and outgrown clothing to a poor family in the nearby city. My parents talked with us about the opportunity to give and engaged us in the process. My brothers and I found some story books, toys, and clothes we could give away. We helped our mom buy some new items the family needed and wrapped them in Christmas paper. On the delivery day, my parents drove us all into the city and brought the gifts to the site where the gifts would be distributed. That was my first memory of giving with intention to help another family I may never meet. I remember the excitement at the prospect of bringing a smile to another child’s face. It was a very empowering that kindled the spirit of generosity in my young psyche that has stayed with me and grown throughout my life.

Ramon Urbano remembers how his parents give him the gift of generosity as well. “At Christmas time my Mexican parents would take me to Mexico to visit relatives,” says Ramon. “While we did not have much, we would pack the car to the brim in the trunk, the back seat and floor around me with clothes, blankets and other necessities collected from friends and family. We would cross the border and find a poor section of town and distribute what we had to people in such tremendous need. This was after my mother’s relentless arguing with the border officers that were not selling the items and we would not tip them for the privilege!

“This was a tradition I carried on later.” Ramon continues. “I worked for an international company with offices throughout Latin America that I visited periodically. Before my trips I gathered clothes and shoes from friends at church, work, and family and pack them in an Army duffle bag. I contacted the secretaries at the offices I would be visiting to let them know I had items for them to give to needy families they may know. All I asked was for them to give me back the duffle bag for me to fill up for the next return trip.” Ramon offers a summarizing insight. “This simple gift of giving changed me. I became aware of the importance of generosity.”

Jim Magill recalls a time as a young adult living in a “hippie community.” He was aware of a young mother in the community, pregnant with her second child and needing a new start. Somehow Jim managed to scrape together the money to buy the young woman an airplane ticket to Florida, where she planned a new life for herself and her children. He wonders every now and then how things have gone for the family. Jim feels deep down his gift made a difference.

Multigenerational communities offer opportunities for all ages to experience the beneficial effects of generosity. Professional musician and Kindermusik educator Beth Magill engaged her Kindermusik families in giving one holiday season. One family was struggling and needed help from their wider community. Beth and the other families enthusiastically rose to the occasion, contributing money for heating oil, arranging for car repairs, and collecting food and other necessities. The families’ commitment to one another was deepened and transformed through their caring concern and giving.

When the remnants of Tropical Storm Lee poured water on top of communities already soaked by remnants of Irene resulting in devastating flooding earlier this fall, nearby congregations responded with great generosity and mutual support.

The Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Binghamton, New York had about four feet of water that flooded a Sunday School room and devastated the room used by a Nursery School. 12 – 15 families in the congregation were severely affected. The Unitarian Universalist Church of Athens and Sheshequin had water in the basement with damage to stored items. The Shesequin building has storm damage that has yet to be assessed. Both congregations are accumulating significant costs for professional clean up and repairs.

Both the Athens and the Binghamton Churches have and are continuing to generously serve their communities as they attempt to recover from the devastating floods. The Binghamton congregation collected and is distributing furnishings to families who lost much or all of their personal belongings, and the Athens congregation provided food at the church for two weeks after the flood and continues to deliver food to the devastated community as it tries to clean up and rebuild. (http://www.ohiomeadville.org/challight/currentclcall )

May this season of generosity bring you meaningful opportunities for transformation through giving and receiving the myriad gifts life has to offer.

Blessed be.

Stewardship as Ministry

Posted on December 14, 2011 by Giving Speaks

Stewardship does indeed deal with money, but it must be far bigger, far more holistic than that. For money is the symbol, the powerful symbol, of our ongoing need for control. But as we begin to think of life in terms of what we have instead of what we lack, then we can dare to let go of the things that hold us back and strategize together as faithful stewards instead of fearful owners.

~Rev. C. K. Robertson, Transforming Stewardship

Stewardship is the responsible management of the resources entrusted to one’s care. In the context of a religious community, stewardship is a ministry. Abundance can be found when all engage as stewards of the faith community and its resources.

This can be accomplished through intentional ministry and religious leadership in the following areas:

Spiritual Development—

-Religious leaders must first engage in their own inward spiritual and religious journey.

-Examine their own attitudes toward giving and generosity and the spiritual basis for developing them.

Pastoral Care & Support–

–Individuals and families often have complex and stressful dynamics around money and personal finance.

-Each contact that involves the topic of money is potentially pastoral in nature and must be treated with sensitivity.

-Ministers and lay leaders benefit from understanding their own relationships to money when relating with others about theirs.

Worship & Preaching—

-These are unique opportunities to convey the importance of stewardship, generosity, and giving through compelling sermons, prayers, inspiring stories, and music.

-Worship leaders can help the engage the congregation by inviting the expression of gratitude, through prayer, the offering, and personal testimony.

Prophetic Leadership—

-Sharpening the focus on the positive and worthy aspects of the faith principles and religious values that inspire generosity.

-Revealing and articulating the connections between the congregation’s mission, religious values, and stewardship.

Teaching & Coaching—

-Understand stewardship and generosity as developmental learning processes with learned behaviors.

-Ongoing education and support of the congregation’s staff, lay leaders, and stewardship leaders are necessary.

-Leaders stay abreast of the trends and best practices for stewardship and fundraising in order to create and sustain a culture of generosity in the congregation.

Modeling Generous Behavior

-Model giving as a spiritual practice and lead by example.

-Actively cultivate stewardship through explicit and positive messaging through multiple channels of communication: worship, in print, online, and interpersonal.

-Explicitly and enthusiastically asking for financial support is essential, and is most effective when done face-to-face.

Before you write an amount, please ask yourself, what is the most generous pledge you believe you can make. Then add something to that. Find out what might happen if you turn out to be even more generous than you think you are.

~Rich Fritzon, Main Line Unitarian, Devon, PA

NOTE: The content for this Stewardship as Ministry post is based on the UUA General Assembly 2011 workshop Breaking Through to Generosity created and presented by Rev. Terry Sweetser, Rev. Stephan Papa, and Laurel Amabile of the Stewardship and Development staff group.

Workshop Presentation Slides are found online at: http://www.uua.org/finance/fundraising/ga/185798.shtml

Recommended Reading:

The Abundance of Our Faith: Award-Winning Sermons on Giving, Plus Suggestions for Group Discussion. Terry Sweetser and Susan Milnor, editors. 2006. Skinner House Books. $16.00

Not Your Parents’ Offering Plate: A New Vision for Financial Stewardship. J. Clif Christopher. 2008. Abingdon Press. $14.00 ISBN-13: 978-0-687-64853-5

Giving—the sacred art: Creating a Lifestyle of Generosity. Lauren Tyler Wright. 2008. Skylight Paths Publishing. $16.99. ISBN: 13-978-1-59473-224-9

UU Study Guide for Giving—the Sacred Art by Laurel Amabile. Available as free downloadable pdf: http://www.uua.org/documents/stew-dev/study_guide_giving.pdf

The New Context for Ministry: The Impact of the New Economy on Your Church. Lyle E. Schaller. 2002. Abingdon Press. ISBN: 0-687-06580-1

Money Matters in Church: A Practical Guide for Leaders. Aubrey Malphurs and Steve Stroope. 2007. Baker Books. ISBN 10: 0-8010-6627-1

Gratitude and Community–Powerful Antidotes for Materialism

Posted on December 10, 2011 by Giving Speaks

Yes, there is injustice and suffering. Yes, we are called to heal our world. Gratitude does not mean blinding ourselves to what is wrong in our world, nor does gratitude mean we do not strive to heal what is broken. Quite the opposite is true. Gratitude for all that is good in our lives leads us to compassion and generosity of spirit.

One of the most destructive things our consumer culture does is to teach us to want what we do not have. Wanting more becomes an addiction that destroys our souls and our planet. Gratitude, deep gratitude, frees us. Gratitude also links us to others.

~Rev. Peter Morales, UUA President

Throughout the year we are immersed in a culture designed to compel us to spend, acquire, consume, and accumulate, with an implicit message those actions will somehow bring fulfillment and happiness to our lives. However, the heat is turned up with the onset of the season of religious holidays of light barely glimmering beneath the looming shadow of the Christmas shopping binge. Very few of us can escape its grasp, particularly those with young children.

I remember when I was a religious educator and mother of two young daughters, living in a quiet suburban community with means, and working very hard to keep the forces of materialism at bay. Many of my daughters’ friends received an array of the newest toys on the market each Christmas or Hanukkah. We didn’t have the means to do as much purchasing at the time.

When my oldest daughter Christine was about to enter preschool, the director of the preschool came to interview her, to get to know this prospective student and her family. The director asked Christine what kinds of things she liked to play. Christine immediately said, “I like to play house and pretend to cook things.” The preschool director asked my daughter if she had a play kitchen. Christine immediately ran out of the room and returned with her “kitchen,” which consisted of a shoe box filled with an odd lot of aluminum pots, plastic cups and plates, and utensils. Our visitor was surprised (pleasantly, as it turned out). Christine was thrilled to show her amazing collection and abilities. I remember feeling a strange mix of embarrassment, inadequacy, and pride in my daughter’s creativity and resourcefulness. I was filled with gratitude when the director quickly affirmed Christine’s “kitchen” as the best kind there is when it comes to using your imagination.

It’s easy to get sucked into thinking our holiday spending is the best thing to help our economic woes. Some economists challenge that notion, as described in the Atlantic’s December Santanomics series by Derek Thompson( http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2011/12/is-christmas-bad-for-the-economy/249618/). Referencing a 2010 Wall Street Journal survey, Thompson reports that more than two of three economists opined that if Christmas ceased to exist as a holiday, consumers would either spend more on themselves or spread their gift purchases more evenly across other events such as birthdays. That, in the view of some academics, would put more goods into the hands of people who truly value them and improve social welfare as a result.

Here are some startling statistics about the impact of our consumer culture on young people and their parents: Did you know?

Young people, newborns through age 22, represent a $1 trillion market to sellers in the American marketplace, through their own direct spending and influence over family purchases.
Young people under age 20 spend five times more (in inflation-adjusted dollars) than their parents did at the same age.
Consumer product companies spend over $230 billion annually ($2,190 per household) on marketing, much of it directed at children and teens.
Fifty-three percent of children have their own television in their room. More than one-fourth of those age two to four have their own television.
Children and youth, ages 8 to 21 spend nearly $175 billion a year of their own money.
They spend approximately 17 hours a week online and spend $22 billion online.
A 1997 study showed children age six to twelve spent more than two and a half hours a week shopping, a full hour more than in 1981. They spent as much time shopping as reading or going to church, and five times as much as they spend going outside.
More children go shopping each week (52%) than read (42%), go to church (26%), play outdoors (17%), or spend time in household conversations (32%).

Parents seeking alternatives to the pressures of excess holiday spending need affirmation and creative ideas for celebrating the holidays in meaningful, affordable ways. Children and teens can be supported and fortified to withstand the pressure of the marketing machine by attention to relationships–enjoyable time with family and friends–and opportunities for service and sharing with others with greater needs.

Faith communities, school, and play a critical role in providing a counter-balance to the forces of the consumer culture. We cannot underestimate the role of community in providing a context of satisfying relationships and meaningful activities. Faith communities and schools offer opportunities for service and generosity that warm the heart and foster empathy in people of all ages. Whether it be collecting hats, mittens, and jackets to keep people warm through the winter months, serving meals at the soup kitchen, reading to children or visiting house-bound elders, these activities help to connect people and values in positive ways.

Another powerful antidote to materialism and the ill effects of the consumer culture is GRATITUDE, simply appreciating what we have and realizing the blessing of sufficiency. One practice is to take time each day to think of at least one thing for which we are grateful, and to write it down or share it with another person. For nurturing gratitude in children, we can tell stories and engage them in activities that illustrate aspects of life that precipitate feelings of gratitude.

Sometimes circumstances create obstacles to gratitude: unemployment, unanticipated car or home repairs, medical crises, depression, substance abuse, and financial hardships. These are the times when we must go deeper, to search our souls for hope, courage, and the people in life that compel us to stay connected, be resourceful, and survive. As isolating as life’s challenges can be, we are never truly alone.

For those of us who are active in faith communities, we have the privilege and responsibility to open our hearts and our hands to offer the gift of community to all those who seek it. We can practice true hospitality by inviting and welcoming newcomers. We can focus our energy on giving of ourselves and our resources, inspired by hope that springs from awareness of our abundance, and fortified by the gratitude that comes from being held in the caring arms of community.

Gratitude Circle: Beliefnet Community: http://community.beliefnet.com/gratitude_circle

Books for nurturing gratitude among all ages:

You’ll Thank Me Later – A Guide to Nurturing Gratitude in Our Children (And Why That Matters) by Annie M Zirkel

Gratitude Soup: Create Your Own by Olivia Rosewood

The first installment of the Atlantic’s Santanomics series by Derek Thompson: